I said “I will come again” but you did not wait for me to go again…
The funeral mass was beautiful, the songs and everything… but i wasn’t able to pay full attention to the lyrics because it sounds like your last words to us and it makes me cry…
Parable (M. D. Ridge)
To everything there is a season
A time to be born and a time to die
A time to plant and a time for harvest
A time to meet and a time to part
Nothing can grow in barren soil
Briars and ravens take their toll
Still there is grain a hundred-fold
From seeds that took root and grew
To everything there is a season
A time to be born and a time to die
A time for joy and a time for grieving
A time to seek and a time to lose
God’s word is like the farmer’s seed
Rooted in joyful, loving hearts
Growing like grain in fertile ground
A harvest that overflows
To everything there is a season
A time to be born and a time to die
A time to plant and a time for harvest
A time to meet and a time to part
I was a little out of control during one of the visits. But luckily, we went in a small group that day, so you did not notice me weeping, a little uncontrollably… haha… It’s hard to explain why i wept that day. It wasn’t just sadness but there were so much things in you that touched me. I know that you were in pain but yet… you were so gentle and kind. You accepted your illness and endured the sufferings patiently with no complaints and frustration. How did you manage to do this when you were suffering? So this is what it means to be a Christian… that you trust in the Lord, submit everything into His hands, be gentle and kind even when you are suffering. You may not realize the message that you were passing to us. You were teaching us by making yourself an example for us and I was learning something by watching you… watching how you die.
Fr. mentioned that all of us have an impact on one another. I guess this is part of what he meant. I am not sure if i had any impact on you but you definitely left an impact on me. I remember the first time when i felt connected to you, probably 1 or 2 years ago. We were at BBH. The elderly who’s mute and deaf usually showed us gestures about happy things. But that day, she was not happy, she was trying to tell us that someone hit her by using gestures. That’s all that we can derived from the gestures. At the end of the session, you told me, “We, who can hear and speak, feel so frustrated when someone doesn’t understand us. I can’t imagine how she feels when she can’t even communicate with us adequately.”
Most of my friends are not interested in discussing about such issues and are only willing to talk about happy things. No gloomy or sentimental discussion is welcomed. It’s not easy to find a friend who can communicate about such things at this level and i really treasure it. I count myself lucky for having a few of such friends.
I remember the last time when i visited you, i was actually a little worried that my presence might be a disturbance. You might prefer to spend your last days with your daughter. Anyway, i went and i am glad that i went. I remember you greeted me with a warm smile. You were holding my hand in silence for a very long time. I don’t know why am i writing this… I just want to keep this memory…
I remember that there was a big divine mercy portrait in front of your bed. I think that’s sweet. I wish to have a big divine mercy portrait in front of me in my final days too. I wish that someone can print out the words of Jesus to St. Faustina and read it to me at my bedside during my last days.
Anyway, to have this opportunity to know you is a blessing.
May the choirs of angels come to greet you.
May they speed you to paradise.
May the Lord enfold you in His mercy.
May you find eternal life.
I am sure I will see the Lord’s goodness;
I shall dwell in the land of the living.
Hope in God, stand firm and take heart,
Place all your trust in the Lord.
I just can’t concentrate on my work after your funeral, weeping and weeping but luckily the weather was cold, so it looks like i was just having a cold. I left work earlier that day… i wasn’t able to focus at all, i just wanted to go back and cry
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