子宁不嗣音

最近好上瘾这首诗，《诗经》里的《子衿》

 

《诗经。郑风。子衿》

青青子衿，悠悠我心。纵我不往，子宁不嗣音。
青青子佩，悠悠我思。纵我不往，子宁不来。
挑兮达兮，在城阙兮。一日不见，如三月兮。

 

无意中发现哈辉把这首诗唱得非常好，只可惜，“纵我不往，子宁不嗣音” 的英文翻译得非常不准。这句的白话翻译是：
就算我不去找你，可是你怎么完全没有消息？
even if i don’t find you, why wouldn’t you send some news?

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蒹葭苍苍

前阵子在酗 《诗经》 中的蒹葭
一直以为蒹葭是情诗，尤其因为从小听邓丽君的在水一方，自然觉得蒹葭就是情诗

结果查了一下发现
其实蒹葭是用以讽刺秦襄公不能礼贤下士，导致显示隐居，不肯出来做官

虽然解读为情诗的话，那意境没得不得了
可是没想到原诗的诗意居然是如此

以后要是我申请工作的单位不聘请我
或者我工作的单位不善待我
我就要丢这首蒹葭给那领导
让他会去好好反省一下
好好的为失去我这个贤士而痛心疾首

 

 

《诗经。秦风。蒹葭》

蒹葭苍苍，白露为霜。所谓伊人，在水一方。
溯洄从之，道阻且长。溯游从之，宛在水中央。

蒹葭萋萋，白露未晞。所谓伊人，在水之湄。
溯洄从之，道阻且跻。溯游从之，宛在水中坻。

蒹葭采采，白露未已。所谓伊人，在水之涘。
溯洄从之，道阻且右。溯游从之，宛在水中沚。

 

 

 

 

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等门的人

反正没有等门的人，何须赶着回去？

前阵子上课上到关于 shift work 和健康的关系。讲义中说独居的人不适合 shift work 或者任何非 8/9 – 5/6 的工作时间。

关于这个，我不太认同。其实，我之所以愿意在别人下班后或者周末上班，全是因为我独居。反正没有等门的人，何须赶着回去？公司里和房里，我同样是一个人，有何区别？若有等我的人，我才不愿意如此工作。

记得当时上课时和坐在我身边的同学谈论，我问为何独居不适合此类工作？他说，独居者没有家人帮忙照顾其他生活起居，这样子负担太大。若是有家人一起住，至少家人会帮你做很多的事，洗衣等等。其实他说的也不无道理。曾经有一段时间，我确实忙得连洗晒收折衣服都觉得好耗时间。

不知道这样的日子何时会结束。我也不愿意想，想了徒增… 也不算是烦恼，就是反正多想这种事不会让我更快乐，何必没事找罪受。

曾经有一段时间加班加得很超过，好多次都只是刚好赶得上末班车。离开公司走向地铁站的路上很寂静，而寂静总是容易让人开始浪费脑细胞想一些没意义的事。每当我看着自己的影子时，总是在想，万一我今晚遇上歹徒出了什么事，多久才会被发现呢？没有等门的人，出事的话也不会马上被发现吧。谁会是第一个知道的人呢？我 12 点回去或是 3 点回去，谁也不会在乎吧。

人类就是如此。明知道想这些一点意义都没有，可是每当看见自己的影子，忍不住就是会去想。对啊，我是 12 点回去还是 3 点回去，只有影子知道，只有影子紧紧跟随着我。

偶尔幸运的话，离开公司时会看见很漂亮的满月接我下班，陪我下班。其实那也不叫做偶尔幸运，满月每个月都会出现。好有规律，好忠心，我总是知道何时可以见到满月。见到明亮皎洁的满月总是让我感觉非常开心。我之所以选择使用 “开心” 而非 “快乐” 不是没有原因的。啊，离题了，言归正题。正因如此，李白的 “举杯邀明月，对影成三人” 总是让我觉得扣人心弦。

其实我并不觉得加班是件糟糕的事。或许，加班提供了我一个逃避地方法，给了我一个躲避的地方。把我的时间都填满，看起来好忙好忙，那么我就不会看起来太孤独吧。如果你说我是在逃避现实，我不会否认。

突然想起之前在 coursera 上的文学哲学课中，欧教授说起人的本性，我其实挺认同的。人呢，都各自有各自的烦恼。比起倾听，人类通常都比较想当说话的那位。每个人都想说着自己的事，自己的烦恼，自己的苦楚，有谁又会真正的去倾听另一个人呢？倾听的耳朵是一种奢侈，强求倾听的耳朵是一种奢求。欧教授还说起了 Robert Frost 的诗 – ‘Out, Out—’。诗中讲述一个小弟弟凄惨的死了，诗中的最后一句很深刻的烙在我的脑海里：

          And they, since they
         Were not the one dead, turned to their affairs.

不要奢求奢侈的东西不是简单的事，我也在学习，学习独立，学习不奢求。

欧教授还提起某个文学家说的某个情况。这个人和一群人聚在一起聊天，他说着一些事，说到一半必须离开一下。当他离开后，话题马上被转开，等到他回来时，没有一个人请他继续说他刚才说到一半的事。

我想，以上这种状况在日常生活中很常见。很多时候，聚会就是一群孤独的人各自抢着述说自己的故事。所以，每次遇到认真倾听的人，我总是非常感激。这种人不多，是有多用心听你说，才会记得你刚刚说的事只说到一半。那种用心太稀有，所以很珍贵。

乱七八糟的到底说了一堆什么，我也不知道…

 

 

 

 

 

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하지말라고했지

하지마
상처를 받을 거야

하지말라고했지
그거 왜해

아무것도 기대하지마
기대하면 다친거야

 

 

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除非

明明喝的是酒，可是我怎麼一點也無法入眠

那到底是酒還是咖啡？

人類的腦袋為何總是在不該活躍時活躍？

設定除非的人都只是想讓步，想妥協

給自己好多藉口，千方百計想要妥協

與其說是妥協，不如說是哀求

可是這世上根本沒有除非

 

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The taste of freedom

The child called and the Father heard
and He rushed to her rescue

And this is how freedom tastes like
To be free from hatred
To be free from the heavy chains of the devil
To be able to love again
To love Your creatures

I love You, my Lord
I love You with all my heart

Thank you for delivering me from this distress
Thank you and i love You
i love You
i love You
I love You

There’s so much joy and no word can describe my joy adequately

I missed the chance
And I asked for another chance for your flower and I to reconcile
And immediately you have given me another opportunity
Recognizing the opportunity as an answer to my prayer
I quickly grabbed it

O Father, i thank You
i love You!

You know my human nature is weak
I don’t know when will i fall again
Sustain me with Your grace and i will be fine
I need only Your grace

I hope not to fall again
But, even if i fall again, i know Your grace will help me to stand up again
Falling teaches me to be humble and be docile to Your grace
And so I rely only on Your grace

Let my eyes be fixed on You
Then, even if i should fall again, Your loving gaze will help me to stand up again

I love You
I love You
I love You with all my heart, all my soul, all my mind and all my strength

Yes, i will love with all my strength

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my God, I love You!!!

my God, I love You!!!
You must have heard my prayer
You must have
You must have
I love You! I love You!!!

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they don’t understand

他们还是不懂…

They don’t understand…

It is so hard to find a person that understands…

The freedom that i yearn for is a freedom that enables me to do everything that my Father wants me to do
The freedom that enables me to do my father’s will
The freedom to love the way my Father loves
The freedom from the chains of self-love and pride
The freedom to love others the way my Father loves them
The freedom to love even when i am hurt
The freedom from hatred and pain
The freedom to see God’s image in every person regardless of what they did to me
The freedom to fight and be worthy of that image and that loving gaze

I want nothing else to have any power over me
Hatred or hurt or whatsoever
All these should have no power over me
All these shouldn’t be the chain that stops me from doing my Father’s will

This is what i truly want
My yearning

I want to get rid of all these chains
But they told me “Don’t overexert yourself”
I know they mean no harm
I know they just don’t want me to be too tired
But it is not what i want
What i truly want is just some encouragement
Encouraging me to fight
Reminding me about my Father’s love
Telling me that i can do this because i am my Father’s daughter.
If my Father can do this, i can do it too, because i am my Father’s daughter…

 

 

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过眼云烟

巴士里，某个年约 5 岁的小弟弟（A）坐在座位上，闭着眼睛休息。他身边坐着一位阿姨。一会儿，阿姨下车了，坐在 A 弟弟对面的另一个小弟弟（B，约 3 岁）马上笑嘻嘻的跑过去爬到 A 弟弟的身边，抓着 A 弟弟的手靠在他肩上，那圆鼓鼓的左右脸颊叫做喜形于色~

啊~ 原来是对兄弟~

如此简单单纯的快乐，不知那两兄弟多年以后是否还会记得快乐曾经很简单

好羡慕那简简单单完完整整的快乐

我也曾经拥有那样的快乐吗？或许吧…

曾几何时，高兴的时候总是小心翼翼，总觉得快乐是不长久的，总觉得不放心让自己沉浸在那快乐中，因为没有什么是长久的…

岁月究竟对我们做了什么？

过眼云烟

 

 

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Your little clump of dust

dear Lord my God,
I can hear you.
You call me through all channels
You speak to me through all channels

Do you love me that much?
I am just a clump of dust
A clump of dust that is incapable of loving the way You do
Why do you love this clump of dust…

Your little clump of dust was in distress
You heard Your dust and flown to her rescue
You, the Almighty, pursuing this little clump of dust

In my helplessness i heard Your voice
tenderly and lovingly You called me
You called me by my name
What is this clump of dust that You even called her by name

Your little clump of dust have heard Your voice
But she is incapable of responding to that call
She wept and wept
How she wished to run to You and throw herself into Your arms
and spend the eternity gazing at Your loving eyes
She knows that there is no love in her eyes
Only hurt and hatred
How can she look into Your loving eyes with that tainted eyes

And yet in my helplessness
Your unwavering love is my only hope
And i give thanks to You for allowing me to recognize Your voice amidst of the noise
For this clump of dust is Your lamb
Even the dusty lamb recognizes the voice of its shepherd

“With My mercy, I pursue sinners along all their paths…”

Pursue me, this clump of dust, heal my heart so that it is capable of loving again. Pursue me, my Lord, until i return to You, so that Your heart will be filled with joy.

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